Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
