The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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