life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
