he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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