When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
