So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
