go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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