just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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