They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
