Don't you send me to vm
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
