Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You are a genius and a whore.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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