so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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