don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
