My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
