Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
