This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
FUCK WHALES
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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