dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
