Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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