There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
