Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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