Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
