he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
