she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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