I skipped work to stalk him.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
