Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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