I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
