He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
