I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
