How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
