you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
