just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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