You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
