Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
