This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm eating all of the evidence.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
