You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
