the new term for farting is butt boxing.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
