We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize