doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
