I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
