why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
