Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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