We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize