I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize