I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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