my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
