toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
