his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
