Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
