do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
