i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You pole danced in your parka.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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