He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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