Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
