If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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