I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
