My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
