so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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