i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
