porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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