you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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