I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
