I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
