he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This is the high leading the old right now
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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