May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
