Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
where are my eyebrows?
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