I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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