if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
