you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
