seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
