So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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