honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
