tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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